My (not-so-funny?) Valentine
Relationships and Family: Valentine's Day: Love It or Leave It
Valentine's Day is inescapable online, and everywhere you go. These days, companies acknowledge that Valentine can be a painful time by asking whether you’d rather not receive Valentine’s promotions.
That is considerate and I suppose a step in the right direction, although it feels like a negative action is required if you want to opt out of their campaigns. Because you are admitting to not being interested, does that mean you’ve given up on love? On companionship? On happiness? Does it make you feel worthless?
And how about those who, regardless of the obligatory presents and cards, feel lucky to have met their soulmate? To be happy? Should they shy away so that others won’t feel left out? Is sharing your feelings, whether negative or positive, bad?
Another aspect of the hype around Valentine’s Day is expectations. Do you need to manage them or feel justified in ‘demanding’ a big gesture? Do you express this or keep it to yourself so you won’t get disappointed?
Blame the Romans!
First, let’s go back to the origins of Valentine’s Day. When the Romans ruled quite a big part of the world, they celebrated the coming of spring with a special ‘lottery’ for men. The prize: women. The days of enlightenment were far, far in the future then, and no one really bothered until a pope in the fifth century decided enough of this barbaric pagan ritual. Rumours have it this pope is the one who turned the sexual spring festival into a saint’s day for Valentine, who apparently wrote some sort of love letter, signing it with ‘Your Valentine’. Another story mentions Saint Valentine secretly marrying couples to spare the husbands from war. Who knows? Fact is that these legends attributed to Valentine’s association with love. It does ring a bell, doesn’t it? Pagan rites turned into Christian celebrations to keep the flock together…
It’s fun reading about the cards (from 1500 onwards), the Roman god of love, Cupid, and the birds symbolising love. Sounds terribly romantic!
Valentine's Day is IN YOUR FACE
Yes, we have to agree, it’s difficult to miss. Some people love it, feel more positive celebrating something, anything, after the looong month of January (that month gets longer every year!). Maybe that’s why we grab every opportunity to party.
Like Christmas, where the focus is on families, Valentine’s Day is another time when the painted picture might be more pinky and cloud-niney (we just made that word up) than you experience. If you are single, having difficulty in your relationship, or just in a bad place, it feels that Valentine’s Day points their finger to single you out.
There’s no reason to feel bad, or even doubt your self-esteem if you have the Valentine Blues – like Christmas, you decide how to deal with the days. Turn it into something that relates to you, and plan activities so the hours don’t seem to crawl by. Anything goes, from unwinding to engaging in hobbies, socialising, or organising your spring wardrobe. That way you will be able to distract yourself from feeling you’re not good enough. You are!
This also goes for those among us who have lost a partner and are grappling to come to terms with their grief. Who are we to tell you what to do? Whatever feels right is the answer, whether it entails browsing through photos, visiting a grave, or releasing a balloon into the sky. You may be alone now, but you had love. Your grief stems from loving someone so deeply that it still hurts. That is painful but also something to cherish.
My Friends are Showing Off Their Perfect Relationship
Despite some opinions, Valentine's Day isn't about couples parading their affection. To be honest, that idea feels rather passive aggressive, though if you feel defeated, you might think the world is against you and view everything from that perspective. But like those who have more expensive cars, houses, food, and clothes, people simply live different lives and make different choices.
From experience, we know that days around family and love can be difficult and triggering if you’re unhappy or not in the right space of mind. Don’t take it against us, but we also know of the joy of finding your soulmate, of realising that time is precious. We met rather late in life – which is why we feel like celebrating even our little milestones. They make us realise how lucky we are to have found each other.
Among our friends is a couple who married only last year, in their fifties. Another dear friend of us will get married in a few months, in their sixties. We are thrilled for them, and so happy. All of us are aware of how lucky we are to have met our person, regardless of timing.
That is why we celebrate Valentine’s Day. Heads up: if you visit our YouTube channel or other social media platforms, you will be confronted with it. We do because we have lived and realise just how special is what we have now. If you were in our situation, wouldn’t you?
So forgive us, but this week, our address is Cloud Nine up in Seventh Heaven
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Jon and Caz Cole
*This post was originally published on Patreon*